Top 20 Funny and Inspirational Quotes

1. “It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.” Robert Benchley

2. “If at first you don’t succeed, then sky diving definitely isn’t for you.” Unknown

3. “How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak-because some day you will have been all of these…” George Washington Carver

4. “I’ve learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.” 13 yr-old

5. “I’ve learned that you can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.” 7 yr-old

6. “If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse.” 10 yr-old

7. “Ask “why” until you understand.” My daughter

8. “You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.” Ellen DeGeneres

9. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” Jay Leno

10. Funny and Inspirational Quotes“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” Mother Teresa

11. “Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared.” Eddie Rickenbacker

12. “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Suess

13. “The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.” Maureen Dowd

14. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” Robert Frost

15. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” Fred Allen

16. “I’ve never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished the fifth grade a year before I did.” Jeff Foxworthy

17. “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” George Burns

18. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” Buddy Hackett

19. “Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.” Unknown

20. “When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” Rodney Dangerfield


from Telling It Like It Is